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what normally keeps me calm is listening to music and singing it gently, the music may seem like not calming music but it’s the type that can feel real and that I can understand emotionally and philosophical.. as well as talking to people about my problem, even if it might make them depressed.... it might be because I’m selfish and not needed in the world, you may say otherwise but I hurt people and annoy them, I may seem nice but this is the internet... it isn’t always real, it can trick you, lots of things here are fake... like my emotions a lot of the time.. I hide my pain alot which builds my depression but it makes me seem nicer and I can get people to like me but a small and minor thing can release that depression which pisses people off cause they’re like “you get depressed over that?” or also like “your life isn’t that bad” but it builds up and up, and those people don’t understand cause nobody is like me, even when people try and comfort me it doesn’t work cause they use what they’ve felt before... not what’s going on with me or what I’m talking about, nobody understands what I say which could mean I’m different from the rest of the world, being to deep that others think I’m an idiot because they’re taught that “if you don’t understand what others are saying they’re probably wrong” and that pisses me off cause I know that life is harder than what it may seem but we make it easier with more comforting things and different thoughts on emotions... I did say I was into philosophy, well here you go... a philosophical paragraph, depressing to normal people cause they think it’s sad or funny to pricks or just nothing to the people who don’t get it... or.. to people like me you get it and can help yourself off my words and I could do the same but so far, nobody like me.... still searching for the perfect partner for me but she won’t show up in my life, I’m waiting but stopped the search when I knew it won’t happen